Broken hearted in the Philippines

Broken hearted in the Philippines

Unlike many of the men moving to the Philippines I dod not move here to find love. Yet I did, for a while that is.

When I came to the Island of Siquijor love found me. Being a happy single and traveling S. E. Asia, I was a little surprised by it. It gave me some choices. And after a short trip away from the Island and the man I fell in love with, I decided to change my lifestyle from being a nomad to being an island woman.

And now, barely 6 months after I wrote that article and a year after I met him, it is time to move on

For me it is impossible to feel close and intimate with anyone who has betrayed my trust because they have demonstrated that they are willing to put their own interests ahead of mine. If someone is withholding relevant information in order to sway a person’s judgment in some way, to me that is the same thing as lying.

To me omission becomes a lie when a person intentionally hides something from someone.
If you know what you are not telling the other person is in fact relevant and you have a specific motive, well that is most definitely a lie to me.

Lies break trust, simple as that

Trust was broken on several occasions, but I’m not a quitter. I know realtionships go both ways and I’m not easy to love either. So it takes work, a lot of work, since there is also the language barrier to overcome and numerous cultural differences.

Yet it was a mayor cultural difference that broke the trust. The ‘not wanting to lose face’-thing. Combined with the ‘Not wanting to lose her’-insecurity.

Filipinos, like every asian culture have this thing about not wanting to lose face.They rather tell you a lie than the truth if the truth is making them look incapabel of doing something or weak. And yet, in my Western upbringing, intimacy is build on solid trust. And when you trust someone, you are not afraid of losing face. You just share your deepest emotions, joy, fear, dreams, insecurities and so on.

After many months of working on this for me so essential part of a relationship, I discovered that his honesty was sweetened up a lot so I would not or maybe even never see the true man and his present.

And in his present was a hidden thing I should have known about

I know partners can have secrets from each other, but avoiding the truth on many occasions, the relationship starts to crumble. And again he did not confide in me, well he did, but it was more a slip of the tongue. Otherwise I would have never found out, or maybe I would have found out but by than it would have been my problem and no longer his.

Many Western people living in the Philippines and having dated a Filipino person have stories. Many women around the world dating Filipinos have stories to share, about gambling debts, infidelity, lies and alcohol abuse.
And I’m sure that for every sad story there is a positive one.

This blog is not to stigmatize anyone. Like I wrote before: a relationship goes both ways. I made mistakes as well.

relationships should go both ways, even cross-cultural ones

Breaking up and being a public figure is weird, I had no idea how much he was involved in my social media live. So I had to make some changes. Like the YouTube trailer. It has been replaced yesterday.

And I made a short video on dating in the Philippines, the difference between dating a Filipina and a Filipino, from my perspective.

Heartbroken? Not really. Life is a matter of choices, and in this case, I think I already broke up in my heart a while ago. After I started to realize I was dating a man with many limitations and a sheer dreamer that would never accomplish all he promised me. I hate that: people that make promises they cannot keep. I told him that zillion of times.
But he kept making them. And in the end I realised that I fell in love with the man he pretended to be, not the man he really was.

What’s next? Well, finding a new routine, settling back into that ‘happy single’-mode. Maybe travel again? On the motorbike. I plan to take some short trips and a longer one in september going to Iloilo for my visa.

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