Today in Readers Ask Questions a questions from a Chinese woman living abroad. she is dating a Filipino also living abroad. Although he has a good income, on a regularly base he asks financial support from me. Is that okey for a man to do?, she asked me.
Here is what I told her and what I think on the matter, after dating Filipino men myself.
It is never okey for one person to depend on another person for endless loans and financial support.
Specially not when your guy has an income of his own. Why would he need more money?
But that is my opinion, and actually you are the one to answer that question for yourself.
If you have already your doubts than you know the answer already, the only thing you look for by asking and searching the internet for the answer is an opinion to justify your ‘no’ to him.
Overseas workers send a greater part of their income home. That is part of the Filipino culture. Even in the Philippines itself lots of families have one child raised only to support the entire family.
I know of girls that work and have no other purpose in life than to support mother, father and a handful of jobless or studying siblings. They were designated to do so from the day they were born. They hand over their entire salary every week or month and even have to take out loans in their name to meet the endless needs of the family.
I speak no judgement of that, it is a cultural thing, a kind if third world thinking that seems to work fine, so who am I to tell those families there are better solutions to handle this.
So in the case of the question asked, your boyfriend probably is one of those send out to support the family, meeting their monthly demands and being torn between the Western freedom thinking and cultural inheritance. He sees the money game going on in the West and he loves it, but he has to send most of his money home. So he starts asking for money from the person he says he loves.
Since they are together, maybe she will support him. A very Filipino way of thinking by the way.
Somehow in my dating experience also, my money soon became ‘ours’ and his money stayed exclusively his
When people ask me about that I always answer: I know the pin number of the ATM card. He does not, I’m the one to decide on how my budget is spent.
I’m a generous person, I love to help people. I love to create opportunities so people can make changes int heir lives. But there are limits. If I were to date a guy that had a well paid job and he would ask me for money, I would say no. No matter what the money is for. Even if I were to make lots more per month than he is.
My return question would be: do you give him money?
I gave my boyfriend money, he had little, I had more. I like a sense of equality in a relationship and I wanted him to be able to sometimes buy me a drink. So I gave him a small allowance and in return he did all kinds of little errands for me, f.e.: have the water refilled, clean the motorbike and drive me on those spectacular mountain trips for the YouTube Channel.
he did not buy me much I must say and sometimes I wondered what he did with all the money. Where did he spent it on? For his life did not seem to improve much. I started to doubt a little. He never asked me for money but as the relationship move on we had more and more conversations about how expensive things were in his life.
But hey: I know the pin number of my ATM card, he did not. I did pretend not to hear. What I did was I created opportunities for him to have more income.
If you give your boyfriend money you have to ask yourself why
Do you pay your boyfriend (or girlfriend in this matter)?
Why? Because you want to create a sense of equality?
Or because you are afraid that if you don’t pay them they will leave you?
What is the reason why you feel obliged to pay your significant other?
I cannot answer that question for you, but I can help you answer it if you want me to.
Just contact me and we discuss the details.
As for the question asked: is it okey for my boyfriend with a well paid job to ask my financial support? No, it is not. And you can tell him that straight to the face.
Lucky for me I never had to face that question, I only got the hints of the money problems, which I easily ignored.
But I do believe that every person should have chances to change his or her life for the better,
- telling the family that you support to share the burden of supporting the family over the other children, if every one dips in every one gets more to spend.
- making different choices in life, my BF used to tell me: I have no choice, that is bullshit, you always have the luxury of choices.
- making the most out of life an pick every opportunity to make more money, I nice dated a guy that saw money opportunities everywhere and worked almost around the clock to support his family and his own needs for nice clothing and outings.
- aks for different kind of help and than grab the chances people create for you and make the most of your life, turn it around for the better, for in the end your whole family can benefit from that.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend asks you for money, maybe the 4 points I share with you can help you avoid giving money, but create a life change that will create a more steady way of income and empower people to take control in the matter.
If they do not want that, they are absolutely depending and lazy. Loving the easy life we as partners sometimes create for them out of the goodness of our hearts or blinded by love.
TALK TO ME: did you get the money question from your boyfriend or girlfriend? How do you handle it? And have you any tips on how to create opportunities for your partner to fix his or her own life situation?
NOTE: Please keep the comments on the subject, no judgements, no scolding, no putting down any person or nation, remember: if you got scammed……..hey man, you know the pin number of your bank account, they don’t !