May was the month I broke up with my Filipino boyfriend. We are still friends, but I learned a few harsh lessons: to keep my heart closed since the day we broke up, for my ex BF is a smooth talker and makes a lot of promises he does not keep.
And again I was reminded of the fact that I validate spoken words.
I believe that when people speak, they mean what they say.
And that is not always true. Second harsh lesson.
People talk a lot, and only a few people oversee the impact to their words and think them thru before letting any sound pass their vocal cords.
I should not believe people when they speak. I should not build expectations on promises made, although it is so me to do so.
It is also me to give second, third and even fourth and fifth chances. I do not hold a grouch.
They told me I mingle with slum people
The other day this fierce discussion in my Facebook timeline between Filipinos and Americans happened. The Filipinos calling my (Facebook)friends ‘people from the slums’ and being very offensive after reading some comments.
Now I must say the American comments were not very flattering also, but come on, some people do have bad experiences in this country and handle it differently than others.
Some self-reflection on both sides was needed. And when I pointed that out, I got scolded and blocked by Filipino people.
I learned that on Facebook only a few real interactive friends works better then a friend-list with hundreds of people you do not know, disgracing your timeline with brutal insults.
So I cleaned up and unfriended over 700 people, notifying them way ahead that they can continue to follow me on my pages.
I have this love-hate relationship with social media
Although I love blogging, I dislike Facebook, Twitter and even Instagram nowadays. For there is too much fake-ness. And on many occasions it amazes me how easy aggression arises and the masses unite against the individual. The apparent anonymity of the internet seems to be the best portal to troll people out of their socks.
My Facebook account, as from yesterday, is very private, only blogposts are public, I will share so much less than I did and I will only post eye-candy. My personal stuff: I write it down in my diaries and keep it to myself. And ‘friends’ and those interested in my life can follow my pages, which I provide in both Dutch and English.
And that is another lessons learned.
Me, the sociable one, that loves to meet people, I become a recluse more and more due to experiences
When a business deal goes sour because you deliver, but the other party feels free to not keep his end of the bargain, I always wonder what is wrong with me. Why this happens to me, since I love to do good to people and help them and I seldom ask something in return.
The internet- and business-gurus teach me I should not be afraid to ask, so I step out of my comfort-zone and ask a little favour in return. Like a link or a mention, and guess what: they promise the world, but I get nothing.
So much for the gentlemen’s agreement, the friendship, the professionality of the other party.
Life’s work in progress, every day, every step, every breath you take
Sometimes life takes your breath away, sometimes people do.
I really need to refocus after a month as turbulent as this month.
A broken relationship based on so many broken promises, and even in the remaining friendship the spoken words seem to hold a meaning I do not comprehend, The business deals where people take advantage of my knowledge which I love to share, but is it too much to grant me a small favour in return.
I closed the gate in the night, look at the stars above me and I realise that I probably do much better in a reclusive lifestyle.
Although I do love people, and I do love to interact with people, interacting with people for me holds also a trap.
And that is mainly because of who I am.