Love in the old days was so much easier

Love in the old days was so much easier

The era of 24/7-in touch that is where we live in right now. Every bit of knowledge and every possible contact moment is available whenever you want it.

I remember my first world travel, when I was 17 and going all the way around South America.
Whenever I wanted to make a phone call home I had to wait for hours in the phone companies waiting room for a connection. Sometimes even days. Collect calls cost a fortune and there was no other way of communicating with people back home in a faster way than just hanging in there hoping that if there is a connection it would be a clear and private one.
Several times I had such bad connection that it all was a waste of time and money, or I shared the line with three other people screaming all the loudest to get through to their loved ones.

You cannot image that anymore, right?
Cellphones and computers created the world of Whatsapp, Skype, Facebook messenger etc. or good old texting which is very popular in the Philippines, specially when dating someone.

As I wrote in this blog post, sometimes it takes a while for a message to be answered, due to a number of reasons. But still it is nothing compared to the old days, when love letters could be on their way for weeks, and getting through to your loved one was a sheer pain in the ass.

Although contact was more rare in those days, love seemed to be more profound

In those days I just knew he loved me, it never occurred to me to doubt him. he told me, and I believed him.
No doubt because he did not answer back, because Whatsapp shows he definitely read the message.
No moments of tears when his icon pictures shows up next to your love text in Facebook Messenger and he simply doesn’t text something sweet back.

In these modern days stuffed with technology, relationships are created and ended by texting, or by changing your status on Facebook, and the interaction between two people has sometimes been diminished to nothing less than just one letter “k”.

Your carefully crafted text message to a guy you really like, about hanging out together being answered by ‘K’ deserves more than that. since you put your heart and maybe even your future in that message.

I came across my own feelings on the whole 24/7 in touch thing when I realized I was actually waiting for my boyfriend to send me a text message like he used to do: good morning. When He stopped doing that, simply because it had become an absolute bore to send and receive them I started doubting the relationship and his feelings for me.

The blessing of this fast communicating world can also be a curse

Now that says a lot about me being insecure, but it also tells the sad story of how we became to depend on the 24/7-in touch society.
Checking up on your boyfriends whereabouts is the number one thing women like to do when he is giving no response. Check his Facebook, his Twitter, check Whatsapp to see if the message is being red and same in Facebook messenger and than fret about it.

My first boyfriend and I happened in the era of waiting for weeks for a love letter to arrive, of missed phone called that took ages to be established and lost parcels.
But nevertheless I never doubted his love.

This relationship was about 35 years ago, In evolutionary terms that is to be neglected, but for how I experience love nowadays it seems like I’m in a different universe. The fear, doubt and mixed emotions I wrestle with now I do not recognize from the past. Those were different times.

Both relationships were fireworks, passionate, driven by creativity and inspiring to step unto higher ground.
My first love was a Brazilian singer and song writer. I loved him with an adorable puppy love, he was my first love. Being far away from home, watching romantic tropical sunsets, I promised him to return as soon my savings would allow me.
But the language barrier and cultural differences, and the long distance between us killed the
relationship over time. It just stopped existing. Maybe because keeping in touch was such a hassle in those days. We are still in touch, he happily married, me single again. And we actually did meet one day. By that time I was pregnant of my second child. It was devastating to see him, knowing I still loved him but it was all out of reach.

I remember relationship being almost mindful and a calm heaven of mutual trust. Clear rules, no games. Pure

My fresh, new, young boyfriend is not a whizz-kid when it comes to the 24/7-contact era. he has the oldest Nokia ever and buying load to text me presses heavily on his daily income.
Again I choose to be in a relationship with a huge language barrier and a distance.

The simple life of him going to work, come home for lunch, go and do some more work while I’m at home waiting for the evening to come, writing my stories and editing my photos, is one I’m looking forward to.
Early to bed, early to rise.
Hopefully our love will grow and become continuous within this time frame.

Many of my friends wonder if I sell myself short by being satisfied with so little. And I think int he modern world we overvalue passion and romance.
You can do without passion and romance, if you master the art of simply loving the other person.

This time I’m going to cross that distance by moving to his island. Even I learned from past experiences

When Disney started making movies, the whole romance thing took over. Even I got addicted to it. How many dating profiles I have written stating that i am a romantic soul. Longing for candle light, camp fires and holding hands in moonlight.
Add to that the technology of the 24/7-in touch society and you have a mismatch with what love is all about.
How shallow if love is based on that.

  • Does it really matter of a guy text you constantly?
  • Does it really proof anything if he keeps sending you messages and heart shaped emoticons?
  • Does it really add to the way you feel about him?

Does it?


Yes?


Really??!!

That is sad.

For it should not.

No emoticon can add value to words spoken in truth

You should know by the way he looks at you how much he loves you. You should be able to trust him just on his words when he tells you ‘ I love you” or ‘ I miss you” that he is speaking the truth.
No emoticon can add value to that.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go back to the days of old, when we could read the other persons love-language in his deeds, his gestures, in his eyes. Instead of on our touchscreen.

Wouldn’t it be nice if dating was about seeing a few people in your nearby surroundings and not a lottery finding the right guy online or in a bar?

In the Philippines is it common to date within the boundaries of your own barangay

In the Philippines most people cannot afford the 30 dollar fee for a dating site. If they are dating online they use a free profile of which we know gets you nothing but frustration. Asian dating site have an up-selling offer to the Western (rich) guys to pay extra so the girls can actually read and answer the messages. That says it all: you pay for contacting her, she has no money to do so.

Filipino guys on dating sites are still a rare thing.

Here it is common to date in your own barangay (township), or if you are a real dare devil: in the next barangay. Fiesta’s are the moment to meet other people and maybe find love.

And if you are very lucky you run into a weird, white, foreign woman that falls in love with you and maybe you can live happily ever after with her, so my boyfriend tells me.

I love the simple way of dating. I have always found the online dating scene very confusing, I have dated a lot. But there was such a huge element of pretend and make believe in all those profiles that it became unrealistic.

I’ve always found the online dating scene very confusing, the game element was always a huge deal breaker

And although I love the simple way of dating, being away from him, on another island, depending on carefully planned visits to meet each other I also find myself relying on text messages and Facebook Messenger way too much.

The other day I was chatting with my best friend at home telling her how much I missed him being romantic and all over me with sweet talk. And she said: but isn’t he busy as hell working two jobs? he probably comes home exhausted not able to cook up any English to sweet talk you to bed happily.

Wow, that was a wake up call.
After staring a whole day at my phone waiting for him to tell me he loved me, feeling miserable he didn’t I forgot the overall perspective: he is busy as hell, and he finds it hard to text me in English. He told me so.
And that is what is happening to way to many relationships: we forget the greater perspective, it becomes as wide as the screen of our smart phone and creates a demanding tunnel vision when it comes to your love life.

In the days of my Brazilian boyfriend I just had to wait for the mail to arrive, that were happy moments in my life. In between I lived my own live. Somewhere along the development of all the exiting technology I became depending, demanding, maybe even needy to hear more, see more, be reassured more.

Way in the past, when my grandparents fell in love, finding a partner was more about surviving, reproducing and having a mate that could provide for you.
After urbanisation, emancipation and sexual liberation, relationships became more about choices and possibilities, about experimenting and searching for the magical true love brought to you by movie makers , song writers and novelists.

And it became all confusing.

Dating became all confusing and while dating a Filipino guy I realise that even more

You will find your Filipino lover to be confident about his feelings, not always clear, for he will be afraid to loose face if you turn him down. But is he is interested in you he will pursue you in such a way you have no doubt about his intentions: to win you over.

My boyfriend is a funny mix of the old fashioned Filipino dating manners and the moderns ones. But what I like about him most is that he thinks very practical:

I like you, you like me, lets see if that works out.
I love you, you love me: let’s be boyfriend and girlfriend.
And he was a bit shocked when I asked him, straight from my liberal western roots, if that mend we were exclusive.

Off course it mend ‘exclusive’.
I’m his, so to speak.

I like that, it has a ring to it that I find appealing. It tells me I do not have to seek confirmation about him loving him, it means I can trust him. 
I can see that clearly now. The rules are clear, no games.

I do wonder if he has my glass slipper though……I can’t find it any where.
I must have lost it while walking the beach with him and rushing back to the ferry because we forgot about time.

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8 thoughts on “Love in the old days was so much easier

  1. Are you gonna write this one in Dutch too? I have a lot to say about it, but even I would rather comment in my mothers tongue….

  2. Well when you really think about it which finding Love in the old days was a lot more Easier than today since the women back then were so much nicer compared to the kind of women we now have out there these days.

  3. I agree that feminisme and media created a kind of woman that can be very confusing, even to herself. Maybe we need more male guidance than we are willing to admit.

  4. It is very Obvious why there are so many Good men like us that are still Single today when we really Shouldn’t be. A completely different time we live in today Unfortunately and women have Changed since back then that makes it very Difficult now.

  5. I do not believe that it is only because women have changed. So we disagree on that matter. I know plenty of women that still have the ‘old values’ and seek a man that thoughtfully loves, they have no wish to change him, but also do not desire to follow nor to lead, they just want to walk beside him and feel loved.

    Anyway, thanks for stopping by and leave a comment. I do appreciate that.

  6. To JC, This is a very interesting topic since everyone has a right to their own opinion. It is true that are family members were very Blessed finding love many years ago which came very Easy for them since the times were totally Different than today which is a whole new ballgame. Today many women have a Career now which many of the women are making a six figure income that they Never even heard of years ago since Men And Women in those days were Struggling to make ends meat since they Hardly had any Money at all and were either living with their Parents or other Family Members at that time. Today Most women now are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and very power money hungry too which does make it a problem for many of us men that Don’t make the kind of money that these women are making today. So it is very Difficult for many of us Good men looking to settle down since these type of women will Never Accept us men for who we really are since it is all about the money for Most of the women today unfortunately. My comment was short the first time which i had to explain why it was a lot Easier finding real Love back then which today it has become very impossible as you can see which you may or not agree with me.

  7. I do agree with you that there are women out there that have turned their career into a life goal, and I do agree with you on the high maintenance thing.But in nuance of your statement I’d like to say this: There are also a lot of women out there that are still looking for the old values. and there are still a lot of women out there for whom the position of the man does not matter. (I’m one of those, and I have plenty of friends that feel the same way) I love my Filipino guy for whom he is, not what he owns, his house, car, income, whatever I love him because he is who he is. I do not want to change him, I respect him as he is, as I met him. j
    I support him, even though sometimes I think he makes wrong decisions. He is simple man from the country, his gift to me often is a gift of nature, like a shell, a piece of string I need for my hobby or some fruits. We stay home and do not go out a lot, simply because he cannot afford that. I can, but I respect his values that he wants to provide for me.
    It is my choice to love him the way I do. It his his choice to love me the way he does.

    I believe that society, commerce, advertisement and TV shows have changed us all: Both men and women. Too many times I have dated a guy that was looking over my shoulder for a better option, or a guy that had no self-esteem whatsoever, or could nit handle the fact that i used to have a wel paid job with a lot of influence.
    So both men and women have changed, since the old days.
    But that is not the essence of this blog. It is more about the complexity of todays modern dating scene, where Tinder rules, two blue signs at whatsapps show if he is into you or not, and Fb statussen are overrated.

    And compared to that, dating in the old days was a lot simpler and easier.
    Last respons by the way……thanks for returning and leaving a comment again.
    For me it is time to move on to the next article.