The question came up on my YouTube Channel: Why do you date Filipino’s and not an expat. Here is my answer to that question.
About the Expats
Most of the men, if not all of them, come to the Philippines looking for a partner. They adore the exquisite beauty of the Filipina: Long dark hair and petite. A lot of those men add: adjustable, willing to please and submissive to that list. They have had their share of Western women, most of them have left behind a family, pay alimony to an ex and are ready to start a more lucky second chapter in their lives.
They all have their reasons, some look for a caretaker, some look for beauty only and others just prefer Asian beauty. And I’m sure they can sum up some more reasons.
Some get lucky and live happily ever after. Others get scammed out of their money and return home lonely and bitter. But mostly, all of them discover that dating here might be slightly different, but in the end it all comes down to the same thing: either you are a match or you are not.
And that goes both ways, somehow I get the feeling most of those men have the idea that they are in charge in the dating and relationship matters and the girls must be grateful he fancies her, but do not rule out a good Filipina, she will stand up for herself and be aware that Filipinas are fast learners and they know the tricks of the trade. They could be more in charge than you think.(Good for them)
So….regarding the question why I do not date expats? Well, I do not look like a Filipina, as a matter of fact: I remind those men of their past lives. Lives they came to forget or to recover from.
I was a happy single when I left the Netherlands. I dated a few guys after I divorced the father of my children and was in 1 more serious relationship, that broke me to the bone. I dedicate my life to a relationship, it is all or nothing and I forget myself in the process.
For me relationships are a matter of adjusting to each other, and I adjust just a little too much. And I trust way too much, I’m an empath, I put others first. That often leaves me with a very painful lesson of which I seldom seem to learn.
So, happy single I was. I did not come to the Philippines to find a relationship. But I’m only human. And the attention of the Filipino men, who do know how to pursue a woman, soften my heart. Not once, but twice. Both times when I was very vulnerable.
The first time after I was regaining my courage after a hotel fire and nightly evacuation in the middle of Iloilo City. The second time after I was repairing a broken heart after the first pursuer ghosted on me.
Those are no excuses to why and how, they are merely reasons.
Me stating that I’m a happy single does not mean I have no feelings, no dreams, no longings. I’m a romantic pur sang. I manage quite well alone, but I love to have a relationship. A partner that can travel with me, an equal that provides that shoulder I sometimes long for and a buddy to go swim, climb a mountain or have a moonlit dinner with, or lunch on a rock along the road. And of course there is the sex. I do miss the sex.
But I’m not so good with relationships, like I said: I kind of adjust too much and than I get that trapped feeling and there seems to be no way out without breaking that persons heart, or my own for that matter. And I do want a relationship but not 24/7, but when it is fun I do want it 24/7 only not when I need to be alone……well, there you have it, my confusion.
So regarding the question why I do not date (an expat)……mind rules over heart: if I do not know what I want I better be a happy single. And make something of my life by myself instead of waiting for that dark knight to come to my rescue.
The practical side of me and dating
I travel, it is hard to date me. For my last relationship I gave up travelling, way to premature, but how else can you figure out if you are a match when your other-half-to-be cannot travel?
I’m a woman, it is hard to date me, hard to understand me. I think, I have an opinion, I speak my mind, I’m an empath, I’m from Venus.
I’m looking for a guy……no, stop rewind……I love to be found by a guy that
- has his own income
- can travel with me
- can handle me and all my broken pieces
- has a romantic soul and yet realistic part in him to keep me grounded
So there it is: my wish list. Like all of us Western people seem to have. The expats, me, we are all the same, only they come here on purpose to find love, I came here to get away from the Western society, to break free.
For those that love to hear me say it out loud: here is the video: